Why Do I Stutter and How Do I Fix This?

After years being spent thinking my stutter could be cured by confidence, I accepted that the biggest problem isn’t my stutter. It’s society.

I started stuttering in first grade. My mom tells me a story of my first-grade teacher embarrassing me in front of the class (this was the teacher’s method, so it checks out so far) and that my stutter began then.

It makes sense that people associate ‘trauma’ with the cause of stuttering so often. But it’s not. What these types of “small t” traumas (or big t Traumas) can do is bring them out. For example: my teacher did this to first-grade students for 30+ years. As far as I’m aware, I’m the only one who started stuttering after it.

The theory suggests that I’d have eventually started stuttering one way or the other, trauma or no trauma. But this incident set it into motion faster.

For a long time, I thought that if I could just be confident, then I’d stop stuttering. People often complained to me that I wasn’t confident enough (A hilarious critique, honestly. Listen - if someone you know is struggling with confidence, try pointing out things you LIKE about them. Not something you think is wrong.)

I don’t know where or how I decided these things. I don’t think my childhood SLPs ever suggested it. I know my mom didn’t - I do remember her telling me to just “be confident” but she didn’t mean “be confident so you don’t stutter”, she meant, “be confident even with the stutter, and don’t let others take you down.”

Regardless, the world around PWS encourages self-blame. This is true for a lot of things - health, success, finances, weight, etc. Think of books like “The Secret” (eye roll myself into non-existence) - they thrive by blaming the individual for their own woes. The problem is you and your mindset. If you were just better, then you’d be better. Duh.

The worst part of these belief systems is that there’s SOME - a little - truth going on in them. Confidence helps. Mindset changes help. Self-talk matters. But then it goes way too far - we can’t change diseases simply by wishing them away (The Secret begs to differ, I know). Or change our weight simply via mindset. Or cure disabilities. Or become rich.

This idea ignores so much. Stuttering is a good representation of two main pieces it ignores: science and systemic injustice.

Science first - there is no cure for stuttering. We don’t know the specific cause. It’s a mixture of neurological origins and genetics. They say prostitution is the oldest job, but honestly, I think selling cures for incurable conditions probably predates it.

Research is completely confounded for why around 80% of stuttering children grow out of it’ and why the other 20% don’t. (I hold a personal and unscientific belief this ratio may be a bit off, but I do believe most kids probably stop stuttering.) They’ve tried to prove everything. Lidcombe Method, for example, boosts an 80% success rate for preschoolers who stutter, and many medical professionals eat this up, unable to remember that… 80% of preschoolers stop stuttering either way.

Regardless, mental visualization surely won’t cure a stutter. But it may bring a PWS great emotional pain.

Systemic injustice - the worst parts of stuttering are often other people. I get the sense this is pretty true for a lot of disabilities. I have a lot of hope that Gen Z is changing some of this narrative, but we haven’t even gotten many Gen X politicians, let alone millennials, let alone Gen Z.

Our flavor of capitalism in America, especially in cities like NYC and Los Angeles, is hell bent on efficiency and speed above all else. Be quick, and any thinking or hesitation is a waste of time. My friend just quit their job on day 1 after being told that taking 4 steps away from their assigned station wasn’t efficient- they should take no more than 3.

Absolutely wild. And then the school system? We have VASTLY underpaid teachers and as a result, overflowing class sizes. This encourages an environment where people don’t have even a SECOND to wait and there is constantly an emergency to run off to.

Obviously, this doesn’t just hurt PWS. It hurts a lot of people. It hurts most people. But it all shapes why PWS feel such a time pressure all the time, and feel like their stutter is a waste of valuable time.

Because even the kindest cashier is going to panic at any perceived “slow down” if they’re worried about getting fired for not hitting a quota. And even if they do their best not to project this… well, tension is felt.

I hope this post doesn’t sound too bleak. To me, it’s become hopeful and a challenge. No cure? All right. Then what? If there’s no cure to stuttering, then what do I do with my one and only life? (What would Mary Oliver suggest?)

But the socialized BS? That we can change and influence. Easy? Not if you’re alone. But when we ban together, we can force people to listen. To wait the goddamn 2 extra minutes it takes for someone to stutter.

I truly believe that most people don’t see listening to stuttering as some kind of ‘hardship’. But I do believe everyone is influenced by society’s need for speed - often just for survival. I’d feel wrong demanding someone wait for me if the 10 seconds could cost them their job. The problem is the expectation from the top leadership.

Stuttering is far from the only thing that would benefit from this. But it certainly would.

Speech Therapy

Another big change is that we need SLPs to be required to learn about the possible emotional damage of a focus on fluency-shaping in speech therapy. This doesn’t mean never teach these tools … but it means teach the full picture. Give SLPs other options. Help them be more trauma-informed before they traumatize another generation of kids who stutter.

Many of my friends had SLPs who implied it was bad to stutter. We had to tally each time we stuttered, as if we weren’t somehow painfully aware each time. And for what? Stuttering ebbs and flows. Stuttering has a mind of its own sometimes.

How many times I produce repetitions in a 30-minute period or over a week tells you literally nothing. It doesn’t tell you how noticeable my stutter usually is, and it doesn’t tell you how I feel about my speech. No one asked us to write down each time we avoided a situation out of fear of stuttering.

Some of THAT is an insurance issue, but there are people working to change that, to offer more holistic ways to meet those needs. But many, MANY SLPs continue to have no idea it’s even unhelpful. They’d have to seek this information out on their own. When… why? Isn’t some of this part of what going to graduate school should include? And yet their one chapter coverage on “fluency disorders” (aka stuttering and cluttering) from an old textbook by a professor who hasn’t read a new thing about stuttering in 20 years is considered sufficient prep, as far as requirements go.

There are people fighting this stuff on the SLP end. Many who are wonderful enough to be educating SLPs themselves. But dropping specific stuttering hours as a requirement was a wild choice all those years ago.

Conclusion

Obviously I can’t just fix our society’s obsession with being fast. But when people can slow down, let’s all slow down a little. Not to “leave no one behind” - but just because it’s better for everyone.

Side Note

I do want to note that stuttering isn’t ONLY a pain because of society. For many, stuttering is physically exhausting. It is also frustrating to not have control over your voice. Societal and self-acceptance won’t make those go 100% away. However, these things are made worse due to the way our society operates, and more problems are added.

Just that… stuttering doesn’t need to be the end of the world or mean someone cannot lead, or mean they can’t communicate well verbally. We who stutter can do plenty of things, if you’d just take a moment to listen.